I do not have any illegitimate children. I do not plan on having a child for some time actually. However, as I further procrastinate studying for finals or writing my final thesis for English, I have been pondering my generation's sports resume. It is WELL worth writing about. I have lived through some fairly ridiculous stories and athletes and I can't wait to break down the 2000's to my first born, extremely athletic son. Although it is far more involved, and could never be summed up, here are 5 stories that 20 years from now will be shocking...
1.) "Chicago Cubs made it 100+ years without winning a world series." He will be born a Cubs fan and will be named after Greg Maddux, making him extremely interested in this subject.
2.) "I saw LeBron James play basketball." This will blow his mind once he is old enough to understand the magnitude of the words I have just spoken. 6'9 285 is a joke. He snuck onto earth through the pacific ocean after being created in a submerged underground lab is pretty much the only theory that can explain his freakishly polished body and skill with the ball. He will go down as the best athlete to live if it were up to me.
3.) "Tiger Woods used to be the most dominant athlete on the earth in any sport." By this time Tiger will be way past his time and little Maddux won't know anything from only hearing about the 45 year old Woods' personal life.
4.) "Middle Schoolers used to have to finish school before turning pro." At this rate, kids are gonna be 6'3 200 at 12 years old. And if there's money in ticket and jersey sales for Jerry Jones or Mark Cuban or Lord Steinbrenner to sign a nine year old you better believe they'll try it.
5.) "There used to be a city in Lousiana called New Orleans and the Oklahoma City Saints used to play there." The Saints won Super Bowl XLIV after their stadium and city were destroyed... So it was destroyed by fans again after the win
Essential knowledge for a young sports fan...
